Getting ready for a First Christmas

It's an odd thing, but I usually feel inspired to write when I am otherwise also busy. I get into my hyper-production mode, and it becomes another thing I want to do. This week, I'm getting ready for Christmas: Baby's first, and my second one as the host for my family's side of the festivities. I have a few guiding principles: keep it fun (not all fancy and stressful), keep it simple (in terms of gifts, especially for the kids, but also for the adults, who have most of what we need or want), eat well (a good time to pull out favorites), and don't forget the God who's behind it all.

To keep it fun, we potluck. This year, my mother-in-law is even doing the main dish, which leaves me sooo much more freedom to work around the baby and still get sleep. I'm doing several different items, and each other family member is bringing (or has brought, in the case of my mom and her MANY beverage options!) a contribution to the menu. This year we went with a French theme, but I'm veering toward the simple items for my stuff. We're having a provencal soup (can we say I love my crockpot?), and simple salad (seriously, I think it has 4 items), and a mousse for dessert (I can make it the day before). For appetizers, I'm setting out crudites (which are essentially overnight marinated cold veggies), some baked brie with apples and bread, and chocolate truffles my mom brought already. I love it already, and I can't wait to taste it all. And fortunately, my hubbie will be my sous chef, as he is expert in all things chopping and prepping. Now...what to serve my little one?

To keep it simple, we're continuing our new tradition of an adult secret Santa. Everyone buys one gift for one other adult... And even then, it can be so hard to figure out what to get! We are blessed with such abundance... and we really don't need to go overboard getting more things. I even like that this curbs my own greed. When I start to think of a list of all sorts of unnecessaries that I would like, I remember that even with James' gifts (we do a little nuclear family exchange separately) and my in-laws family Christmas, I'm not getting much. And that's good! If I really need it, I will buy it, or save for it. Or I'll remember that the things that matter most aren't bought to begin with.

Eating well... kind of covered in the one earlier. Just because I'm not gonna kill myself over the food doesn't mean it won't taste good. :)

As for remembering God... we don't have many established corporate traditions. That's kind of funny to me. J and I have usually gone to our church's Christmas Eve service (sometimes on Christmas Eve's eve!) And I usually read some of the Scriptures about Christ's birth for myself, and sometimes with James. But I've been thinking more about how I want this to be an intentional part of our celebration, too. That especially comes into focus when I contemplate how the patterns we set now will be how B will experience Christmas as he grows up. This is only his first Christmas, and he probably won't remember it except through pictures. But I hope that when he looks back in his twenties, he'll remember that our family celebrated Jesus at Christmas, not just presents or even family. So, I think it would work to have one of the family read the Christmas story just before dinner, when everyone is seated together. Now I'm wondering if I'll use a kids' book to make it simpler for them, or if we'll go with the regular Bible story. But altogether, I'm hoping for something that allows us all to go a bit deeper together into the way the real First Christmas changed the world.

Does anyone else have good spiritual traditions their family shares for Christmas?

But I have to end with a funny anecdote I heard at work... A woman was telling her son, now about 2 and 1/2, about Jesus' birth, and he listened through the whole thing as she explained that all of the Christmas celebrations developed to celebrate his birth. Once she was done, she asked if he understood a little more about Christmas, and he said, really thoughtfully, "I think so. So.... I'm Jesus?"

My current addictions

Trader Joe's pumpkin bread muffins. We just cooked our third box in as many weeks. They are easy, delicious, so cozy for the holidays. Having fresh muffins lying around is wonderful for snacking when I get up with Beckett in the morning, or when the day is busy and I don't have a break yet for a meal. I haven't looked too closely at the nutrition information on it... Not yet.

The Zero Waste Home blog. My sister in law referred me to it in a blog comment, and now I'm hooked! I'm fascinated by how people can change their way of life with dedicated effort and some thoughtfulness. Today I was intrigued to find in a back post that the blogger and her family are churchgoers. I was curious about the role that plays in their eco-consciousness... And I am definitely inspired to think about how I can get beyond thinking that I am caring for the creation when I merely divert my trash to the recycle bin.

Pumpkin pie from scratch. I mean, roasted the pumpkin, rolled and pinched the crust... If I could churn my own butter, that would be the next step closer. :) But the recipe had a variation for honey instead of sugar, and oh my goodness I'm in love. It tastes so much better to me! This recipes a keeper.

Brothers and Sisters in syndication. In spite of the fact that it keeps playing repeat episodes with the wrong titles (can someone not work a DVD player at the station???), I love watching this show and getting the back story from the old episodes. James says its a soap opera at night time, but I don't see him leaving the room. :)

Printing pictures of my cute boy. This is so un-eco friendly of me... Picture paper is not recyclable. And he probably will not want all these shots someday. But I do! I might have to get another job just to finance my picture habit.

Watching Friends at bedtime. In bed. It's a terrible habit. I started it when I was having trouble sleeping when I was pregnant. Beckett is almost 8 months. I won't try to figure out how many times we've watched through all 10 seasons. I keep telling myself that soon I will just read before bed again. New Year's?

Scramble on my phone, or on facebook. It's just such a good game! I can play Boggle all by myself, anytime I have a free minute!

These are my Sunday night confessions.
And now it is time for bed. I'm such a parent. It's 9:30.

Beckett's first Thanksgiving

Yesterday was Beckett's first Thanksgiving day. By the time he was in bed for the evening, I was feeling the poignancy of the day... Firsts are rather amazing things. They only happen that one time, and the responses that a person has cannot be reproduced. We just have to treasure what we can remember. It is strange to think that for each of us, so many of our firsts are not remembered by us, but by those who love us and watched as we grew.
Beckett won't remember that we spent yesterday with my family (in our alternating Thanksgiving Day tradition with James' family) at the house where I lived from 7 years old on. He won't remember that he was a bit overwhelmed by the hubbub produced by two doting grandparents, four aunts and uncles, two parents, three other cousins, between 2 and 6 dogs (depending on how many were currently shut up in a room), many cooking activities, and the parade on TV. He'll have no memory of how he and his cousin Freddy both showed up in striped collared shirts with pullover sweater vests, looking ready for a photo shoot. He won't recall that he ate homemade chicken and apples baby food alongside his multigrain cereal, and that he too had his own version of pumpkin pie made from some of the fresh pureed pumpkin, cinnamon, and a little ginger. B won't relive playing with his cousins on the floor, or how he loved giving a few baby kisses to his oldest cousin, Jade. He will not be able to think back fondly of how my dad, his grandpa, was eager to hold him and give him "horsey rides" on his knee.
But all these sweet and funny moments will be filed in a little corner of my mind. My favorite part was seeing him sitting for his first meal at my mom and dad's table with my side of his extended family. It is rare enough that he gets to eat with both James and I with his early bedtime, so this was an exciting opportunity. He sat between James and I, and we both fed him his food. He was too excited for more than a five minute nap while we were there, and by the end of the day he was tired and needing to stay close to me to be calm. But he was sweet and curious and enjoying our family. And me... these days, with my sweet husband and my darling baby, I felt like the most blessed woman in the world.

"There's a Beckett on my face"

Kids do the darndest things, an old saying goes. One of Beckett's favorite funny things lately involves applying his mouth to my cheek or my chin or along my jawline. Sometimes he just tongues me a little. Sometimes he bites down with his two little teeth (not the most comfortable feeling...) And sometimes he starts sucking. On my chin. I think it's actually his form of kissing right now. But it has become quite a game for us. It tickles, and my view is of his big eyes and the top of his head is so funny that it makes me laugh a lot. I've taken to doing a fake scream--a rather mild and quiet "Ahhh," and then I say, "There's a Beckett on my face!" And we both laugh. I don't know that this will be a long-lasting game, but he's been doing it for about a month now. We'll see how long I can handle the biting part. :)
It makes me glad I've given extra thought since he was born into what I am willing to put on my skin. I feel pretty good knowing that my bare minerals makeup has a very low number rating on the Environmental Working Group's cosmetics database. The database is one of the favorite new online tools I've found to help me evaluate products that I use every day. It's not infallible: sometimes I have looked up products that should probably have a lower hazard rating because the labels specifically rule out contaminants that the rating system is still including in its factoring. But overall it is extremely helpful, especially when it comes to avoiding a few of the ingredients that seem to be the worst offenders. Like parabens and phthalates, both of which are commonly used in beauty products.
Parabens are apparently used as a sort of antimicrobial ingredient, so that products last longer. Phthalates are used in fragrance cocktails, nail polishes, and a host of other things, and they help to preserve the fragrance. I don't know that I've read what they are meant to do in the other products. But they are also used in some kinds of plastics. Now, there are several different kinds of parabens and phthalates, and they each have varying levels of toxicity. But none are really very good. Some contribute to cancer, some can change hormones, some can damage organ systems. Here's a look at one, for example: dibutyl phthalate. It has the highest toxicity rating on the database. And it's in nail polishes. (Turns out most nail polishes are pretty awful health-wise.) But other types of phthalates are used in lotions, washes, and many other things... without ever appearing on the label because they are part of the fragrance blend that companies can conceal to keep them proprietary. Parabens are a bit more straightforward, and are usually listed among ingredients.
For people concerned about increasing exposure to toxic chemicals, parabens and phthalates are some of the top on the list to avoid. One of my favorite new sites, Healthy Child, Healthy World, lists them among a few other ingredients to avoid in personal care products if you want to minimize your own exposure. Now, it's not as if your one favorite lotion with methylparaben is going to get you in your sleep. But, the problem is a lifetime of exposure to not one but maybe 20 or 30 or 40 products that all have these ingredients. When I looked through my bathroom and shower, I found many. For instance: my body wash... a couple of lotions. My chapstick (which is actually ubiquitous in my house, so that I can use it all the time.)

Fortunately, there are some good products out there that are made paraben free and phthalate free. I found some new soap for the shower, and new lotion. And guess what: they still smell pretty nice, and they still get me clean and soft.

And, what's even better... they will hopefully not interfere with a long and healthy life for either me or my little skin-sucking baby boy. Maybe his whole world won't be safe to put in his mouth, but I'd like it if just my chin could be.
What about you...? Are there any products you've ever been concerned about putting on yourself, or your child coming into contact with?

Not a good napper

I haven't blogged much recently, because my little man Beckett has not been giving me much time to myself before evening exhaustion sets in. In other words, he's not a good napper these days.  A month ago I was singing a different tune. For an amazing couple of weeks during his two double-hour napping sessions, I installed a drip system in our garden, planted some fall vegetables, mopped our floors (including a thorough scrub of our kitchen floor), blogged... and I can't remember what else. Now I'm lucky if I have an hour and a half to eat, get dinner prep started, and maybe clean a thing or two. In fact, I began this post as Beckett was napping. He has since awakened, and I'm working on it, determined, while he plays on his floor mat.
Beckett's lack of napping has brought on a few different responses in me. Sometimes he goes to sleep fine and just wakes up quickly. Then I feel a little disappointed not to get more done, but happy he's slept, and happy to see him.
Other times, he fights me, screaming and crying and trying to arch his back out of my arms, as I try to put him down for a nap. These times bring out a lot of my frustration, and even anger. It doesn't make any sense to me, as he dozes and rubs his eyes and ears, why he would resist sleeping. Is he in pain? He doesn't seem so... Does he have a wet diaper? I checked... Is he hungry? No, he just ate. Is he stubborn? I have no idea if that's possible in a child his age... I run out of options, and just have to debate between two responses. Do I try to get him to take a nap, or do I just let him go, sleepless, and deal with the craziness that ensues? On days like yesterday, I try to wait him out, bounce him around, and lull him to sleep. I lay down with him, thinking I'd just take a nap with him, since often that will get him to sleep. Nothing worked. After an hour, I gave up in frustration, putting him in his crib with his mobile going for a few minutes. But by then, I was angry. It's not logical, I know. I don't accuse him of ill will or anything. But if you have had any human, even a tiny one, screaming in your face for give or take thirty minutes, you will understand that sometimes the visceral response is difficult to quell. Add a little exhaustion, and for me, it's a recipe for evil things rising up in my throat.
Later, when the storm has passed, I feel ashamed. How could I feel so enraged at my little darling? How could I ever even imagine venting frustration at him, when I wish and pray every day for his protection and good?
And where is God in all this, as I pray for patience and compassion and gentleness with my son? The perfectionist in me (damn it, it's still here after all) wishes that in every instance, Jesus would give me more strength.... so that I don't sound so angry when I tell Beckett, "Stop it," as he kicks and screams and flails his arms. So that I never move him roughly or have to fear that I've held him too tightly as I try to contain his flailing. So that I never have the urge to shake him that makes me have to leave him crying in his crib for a few minutes. So that I never fail to be the mom I wish to be, ever loving and patient. But that isn't what God does every time. Sometimes that is how it is, and Jesus stands in the room with me as my child seems possessed, and gives me soothing words and deep breaths and the ability to wait.
But sometimes, like yesterday, I feel like I'm alone, and I'm too tired, and I don't do what I wish I would do. And last night in a deep conversation with a friend, I think I could see what Jesus is doing then. Maybe he did give me more strength, and I failed anyway. But for sure, afterward, he was giving me grace. Because what does grace mean, if it can't make things right after we have failed in concrete and specific ways? I've believed and heard all my life that God is gracious, and I guess I don't have as much trouble believing in the side of grace that helps us live well and truly and lovingly. But I have a harder time leaning into the side of grace that only shows when I fail utterly, and feel myself to be a sick and selfish creature still. But what is that verse... "He knows that we are but dust..." And so today, each day, is the beginning of a new story for me, and for my little one. Because I have to trust that when I fail Beckett, God's grace will be there for him, too.

One and a half teeth

Beckett has been teething. Rather sweetly, actually. His first tooth made an appearance on Labor Day with little fanfare. I happened to be brushing his gums, practice for when he would someday have teeth. And all of a sudden it was someday! I looked down at his bottom gum, just to see if I could see a little white somewhere deep in there... and I could see some coming through, instead. He had had a couple of mildly whiny moments that day that I attributed to tiredness. Maybe so, maybe not, but there was a tooth, too. It cut all the way through by the end of that week. Then last week, the corner of a second tooth started showing. It surprised me by being further to the side, instead of the other center tooth. Now, neither of these teeth has gotten all the way in yet, which is perhaps why he started to seem like he was actually teething: having a little trouble sleeping, fussing a bit more, needing more comfort than usual. All the same, I've been pretty pleased by how strong my little boy is in the middle of the teething process.
I also went out pretty soon to buy baby toothpaste. I didn't have any without fluoride, which kids aren't supposed to have until they are old enough to know how not to swallow it.
The bummer part is that though the only baby toothpastes I was able to find were sans fluoride, they did contain parabens. Which I have not yet posted about... But they're not good. I will post about them soon. Maybe when I pick up a good alternative baby toothpaste this week and I can put more before and after pictures.
But this post will just be about little B, my boy who braves 1 and a half teeth with only a little whimpering to welcome them. It's amazing what people are capable of, even when they're just little tiny people still.

Where it all began...

I have learned a lot recently about toxins, products, and home health. (What I mean by "it" in the blog title...) This emerged as a result of part of my personality that I recently explained to a coworker... I'm a nerd. In my opinion, everything is an opportunity to learn and to study. I don't know where I got this idea, exactly. But what it means, practically, is that anything that I start learning about that seems kind of important becomes something I want to learn everything about. I know, it sounds a little obsessive. It might be. But I haven't studied up on that one, so I don't know if we should really call it that...

My foray into the world of information on toxics today started pretty simply. All my baby supplies say "BPA free." I decided maybe I should know why they felt the need to tell me that. What was BPA, after
all? Turns out, BPA is a synthetic estrogen. It was made in hopes of being used for that, but it wasn't as good as others, so it got shelved... until somebody discovered that it was pretty useful for hardening plastics. I think the assumption must have been that once it was in something solid, it would stay put. Problem is, it doesn't. As we are finding out about so many things in plastics, it leaches out--into whatever it is next to...

Which turns out to be everything.
Okay, maybe not everything.
Just peas and carrots, soup, baby formula, water, fruit cocktail, tuna, beans, leftovers, soda, and pretty much anything in a can, water in old Nalgene-like water bottles (usually coded #7; the new ones use polypropylene instead, so they are safer)... more that I can't remember.
And it's in even more things that come into direct contact with skin. Cash register receipts (carbonless). Plastic flatware. Dental sealants. So it might be absorbed through the skin, or it might get into the system by eating with hands that have touched it.

The problem with it being so pervasive and getting into food and human bodies is that it is extra estrogen that our bodies weren't counting on working with. The Washington Post article above says that the concentration found in most people's bodies might be small, but it's 1,000 times the body's natural level. That doesn't sound so small when you think of the proportion. Based on animal studies, it is believed to contribute to: undescended testes, early puberty, male sexual dysfunction, polycystic ovarian syndrome, miscarriage, thyroid disregulation, diabetes, even ADHD. A new study (out yesterday) confirm it does cause hormone changes in men.

All these things make me extremely grateful that it's no longer in my baby bottles or my plastic water bottle. Yet I am disturbed that it is still in canned foods and plastic flatware, and even used as sealant on the metal lids of glass jars... It's ubiquitous! I've found out that small children and pregnant women are most vulnerable. But I didn't find out until after little Beckett was born, and so I don't even know how many canned foods I ate during my pregnancy with him.
I have decided, however, to minimize his exposure through my milk. I haven't opened a can for our food for weeks now. Our beans now come from a bag, and I soak them and then cook them myself. Soups so far are ones I have made. Sauces come in jars. Fruit for my cottage cheese is in a jar. And tuna... well, I don't know when I'll eat it again.

If you are curious about what it would take to decrease your exposure to BPA, look at the sidebar in a Washington Post article.
I also decided it was time to take some public action to make my voice known. There's a bill before Congress right now about chemicals...

My evil toothpaste

I mentioned before that one of the things I'm doing now that I have a son is thinking more about health and safety. And that is true. But I'd also started thinking about health and safety and the environment before now.
It started with theology, I think. I got to really thinking about what it means that I believe that we are stewards of God's earth, and that as stewards we are meant to care for it and tread a little lighter than we are perhaps apt to do in this age... Maybe we are even meant to improve our little corner of earth instead of razing it and its adjacent plots. So, for example, I have thought about my own contribution of waste to landfills, and I work at recycling as much as I can every day. Sometimes I even let things accumulate in my car during the day so that I can bring them home and recycle them when I don't find bins along my way. I've tried worm composting twice (um, my worms keep dying), because I have seen pictures of 30 year old heads of lettuce that fail to biodegrade in mixed landfills.
More and more these days, I am finding that my concern to be a good steward of the earth overlaps with my own interest in being healthy, and now, in keeping my son healthy. I found out recently that a common ingredient in household items--one that I was putting in my mouth twice a day, actually--is not only an environmental contaminant, but also a possible health risk. It's name...duhn duhn duh: triclosan.

Here's what my toothpaste used to be

You'll find it in any of your hand soaps labeled "Antibacterial." (Yep, that means every soap from the popular Bath 'n' Body Works. Sorry friends.) In socks that are supposed to prevent odor. Ironically, I had done a hard target search (oh, at Target... the unintentional pun that now I have kept and even mentioned!) for hand soap that was non-antibacterial a few years ago in an effort to minimize my own home breeding of super-bacteria by wiping out every little thing on skin. And because all the doctors and research say that what really matters is washing thoroughly with simple soap and water. At that point, there was only ONE option in a whole section of hand soaps. So that's been our home soap for a few years.
It turns out, triclosan is probably worse than I suspected, and it's in more things than I knew!  Before you think I'm all conspiracy-theory crazy, please remember that I'm just looking to minimize unnecessary things that I do that can cause harm.
I won't bore you with all the details. But here's my summary. Triclosan persists in groundwater (i.e., doesn't biodegrade.) It also persists in human tissue. Meaning the body can't filter it out as waste very well. And now it is suspected to disrupt human hormones. For these reasons, among others, it is already banned or restricted in parts of Europe.
And I was putting it into my mouth! Ick.

Here are my toothpastes now (I found the 2nd one cheaper, and with fluoride).

There are other reasons I didn't just choose original colgate (sans triclosan) or something comparable, but we won't get into that now. For now, let's just say I didn't want my toothbrushing to pollute the fresh water I'm lucky to have, deposit a strong chemical into my body, or possibly make me grow chest hair. Okay, so that last part probably wouldn't happen. But it sounds a little wild to let my toothpaste affect my hormones!
And if you're like me, and curious about all the details, read more. Here. And here.

Everyday routines

I've been thinking about how having a new baby brings many additions to our daily routine. Not that any day is even near the same... But there are some things now that James and I do everyday--that have become normal--that were never a part of our life before Beckett. For instance, I wash soothies (what we call his pacifiers) multiple times a day after they fall to the ground, or get rinsed in spit up, or just start to look blech.

Some are these mundane things. We wash diapers daily (yes, we use cloth: amazing BumGenius diapers, one on Beckett at right.) We pack and unpack a diaper bag with wipes, diapers, burp cloths, extra clothes. I pump milk and then wash all the accompanying parts--okay, maybe not daily, but often, and for a while there it was at least daily. 
Other things are more poignant. Every day I feed my sweet boy, and I look at his face as he falls asleep nursing, or peeks up at me with a smile during a break. Every night I wake up multiple times  to feed him in the dark, and I check for his breathing when things seem too silent in his bed. Each day I make chomping noises as I kiss his tummy because he laughs out loud each time. I make up songs, often complete with dances that no one will ever see (voluntarily, that is--you have to catch me!) because little B loves a tune and I'm a sucker for his smile. Every day feel at least a little bit tired and understand our parents' failings  with more empathy. I thank God for my little boy's life, and pray fervently that it will be long,  healthy, and full of joy. Each day I laugh at Beckett's sudden, toucan-like exclamations, or sometimes his more mellow "Waaaaaaaaaa"s that trail off into nothing, because he is more and more verbal these days.
And every day I give a little more thought to stuff I didn't ever pay much attention to before Beckett. Learning about how one chemical, BPA, could affect him if he were overexposed got me thinking and learning about other chemicals. And changing products and habits in our home. Because I'm fully grown and doing fine and it seems like nothing is affecting me. It seems. But he's still developing, and very vulnerable, and so I want to be more conservative about possible dangers with him. And who know? Things might be affecting my body more than I know.
I'm also spending more time at home. It's just easier, with a nursing baby in diapers who needs 2-3 naps a day (and is rather sensitive to light, sound, and other anti-nap agents that abound in the outside world.) Yesterday I stayed out from 11 am until 2:30 pm, and Beckett's naps during that time consisted of falling asleep twice in the car and then waking up when we stopped: 15-20 minutes sleep total. With just that much thwarting of his naps, he was a little fried in the afternoon and wouldn't sleep.
All of these factors have converged, along with the suggestion of my dear friend Sarah, and converted me to blogging. I have lots of thoughts about many things, and only a small little person with coos to tell them to. I am learning lots of useful things that I want to share about products and chemicals and health. And already, in my first blog, I have found out that this is a medium that bears many interruptions. 4 times I have attempted to write this. And now, here it is. My first blog post.