How to give more and make less

Some good friends and James and I were talking last 2 weeks ago about giving, and about how God's call to be generous givers plays out in our daily lives, budgeting plans, etc.

I was inspired by a video story of Alan Barnhart that our friend Brian sent out for all of us to view in advance.  I've heard of the idea of a salary cap, or a "finish line," as Alan Barnhart calls it. I think I remember reading about it in a book by Ron Sider in college; if I recall, a salary cap was one of Sider's suggested strategies for making giving a way of life. That is, for sure, what Barnhart's story demonstrates is possible.

As I watched the video, I was really struck by Barnhart's example, and by how much he and his family have been able to give and accomplish. I also found myself thinking--wow--I wish I made your salary cap! Just being honest... Maybe it's being a church worker, maybe it's living in California where the cost of living is so high that the same amount gets you half the distance. (I know, we live in a paradise, but still, it does have its challenges.)

But as I tried to think about how we would practically put that in place even in our salary ranges, should we decide to, I got a little stymied. How would we decide how much we would need? How would we adjust for any future kids we might have? How/should we plan to adjust for inflation? Where do savings, retirement, and college funds fit in?

I did really like Barnhart's observation that they were able to prevent their children from experiencing the hardships of growing up rich. I really appreciated that way of thinking about it. Jesus did say it would be easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to put their stock first in the kingdom of heaven...
I'm curious if anybody out there has any specific tools or worksheets to suggest how to work though these questions?

And at the same time, I already find myself bumping up against my own internal resistance. I grew up feeling like I couldn't ask my parents for new clothes even though mine didn't fit right. I always tried to order the cheapest item on the menu at restaurants so that I wouldn't place stress on my parents' pocketbooks. I grew up feeling like we weren't really poor, but we weren't really comfortable, either. My parents helped to pay for college when I was in it, but I had no college fund. I always thought things would be different once I got older, and I don't like the idea of feeling financially strapped. I want to have margins. I want a buffer between me and inability to provide for our kids. Right now we don't have a very big one, and it already makes me nervous sometimes. At the same time, I also don't feel the need to work full time while the kids are little or decide not to have any more kids simply because we might be a little less comfortable in the process of providing. Hmm. Even using that word makes me think--do I really believe that God is the one providing for me, and for the kids?
I feel challenged about this. I'm glad this group of friends is going to be continuing this conversation through the summer months. My prayer today is that I will care more about being financially obedient to God and compassionate toward others than about being financially comfortable. I'm not there yet. But I pray that it can become my internal posture.

Reading while nursing... and other motherhood joys

My second son is now 3 months old, and I can't believe the time has flown the way it has! First off, I'll say that people weren't kidding about things being more than 2x harder with two kids than with one. It's not that I actually know how to factor and compare the challenges... but I'm definitely more tired, and feel like I'm learning a complicated dance between two very different developmental stages. All this, and my two-year old feels like he's had a partial personality transplant. Sometimes it feels temporary, and I chalk it up to adjustment. But sometimes I wonder if I'll ever see that little boy again! I am hopeful, though, that his joys with having a brother with whom to grow up and share his life experiences will more than compensate. I know my joys at having both my little boys help me to accept the inevitable changes.
One of the things that I had forgotten from my first's infancy is how much time I end up spending sitting, with a nursing baby on me. At times he alternates sleeping with nursing--at times he is only sleeping because he's nuzzled up next to me! But in any case, I have some more time to either catch up on television watching (hello, Downton Abbey and Revenge, nice to make your acquaintance) or read. Little A's first three months have been opportunities to read some light fiction--Sarah Addison Allen novels, The Hunger Games trilogy--and some parenting and marriage books.
I have made two amazingly helpful "discoveries." The first is the series of Positive Discipline books, which are extremely helpful for developing a long view of parenting in the middle of the daily grind of raising small children. Astoundingly enough, I often found my reading of Positive Discipline for 1-3 Year Olds to be as enjoyable as the novels I was reading. The stories of the families and the illustrations from lives of other toddlers have been inspiring as I try to cope with my darling 2 year old's first forays into highly frustrating behavior. And I found myself experimenting with some of the techniques and ideas right away. Now, if only one of the suggestions had been about how to deal with your toddler screaming at meals and other times just to bug you and stop conversation...
The second has been the book "How We Love" and its partner, "How We Love Our Kids."Okay, I haven't really started reading the second, but just reading the first has been helping me think more clearly about how I love my kids. How We Love is a marriage book based on 5 different attachment styles. The goal of the book is to help people of each attachment style to move closer to a secure attachment styles and maximize the intimacy in one's marriage. It's been rather eye-opening for me, as it's given me a way to explain to my husband some of the reasons why I feel how I feel about us fighting, or him disconnecting.  Overall, it's given us both really helpful ways to work on some of the troubles that ail our relationship. I'm so glad for each of them.