My second son is now 3 months old, and I can't believe the time has flown the way it has! First off, I'll say that people weren't kidding about things being more than 2x harder with two kids than with one. It's not that I actually know how to factor and compare the challenges... but I'm definitely more tired, and feel like I'm learning a complicated dance between two very different developmental stages. All this, and my two-year old feels like he's had a partial personality transplant. Sometimes it feels temporary, and I chalk it up to adjustment. But sometimes I wonder if I'll ever see that little boy again! I am hopeful, though, that his joys with having a brother with whom to grow up and share his life experiences will more than compensate. I know my joys at having both my little boys help me to accept the inevitable changes.
One of the things that I had forgotten from my first's infancy is how much time I end up spending sitting, with a nursing baby on me. At times he alternates sleeping with nursing--at times he is only sleeping because he's nuzzled up next to me! But in any case, I have some more time to either catch up on television watching (hello, Downton Abbey and Revenge, nice to make your acquaintance) or read. Little A's first three months have been opportunities to read some light fiction--Sarah Addison Allen novels, The Hunger Games trilogy--and some parenting and marriage books.
I have made two amazingly helpful "discoveries." The first is the series of Positive Discipline books, which are extremely helpful for developing a long view of parenting in the middle of the daily grind of raising small children. Astoundingly enough, I often found my reading of Positive Discipline for 1-3 Year Olds to be as enjoyable as the novels I was reading. The stories of the families and the illustrations from lives of other toddlers have been inspiring as I try to cope with my darling 2 year old's first forays into highly frustrating behavior. And I found myself experimenting with some of the techniques and ideas right away. Now, if only one of the suggestions had been about how to deal with your toddler screaming at meals and other times just to bug you and stop conversation...
The second has been the book "How We Love" and its partner, "How We Love Our Kids."Okay, I haven't really started reading the second, but just reading the first has been helping me think more clearly about how I love my kids. How We Love is a marriage book based on 5 different attachment styles. The goal of the book is to help people of each attachment style to move closer to a secure attachment styles and maximize the intimacy in one's marriage. It's been rather eye-opening for me, as it's given me a way to explain to my husband some of the reasons why I feel how I feel about us fighting, or him disconnecting. Overall, it's given us both really helpful ways to work on some of the troubles that ail our relationship. I'm so glad for each of them.
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